Every time I sit down to write another blog, I get a little overwhelmed with choosing one from a number topics that all seem important and pressing. To give you some truth: I tend to set aside the ones that trigger me too much, so they have time to simmer and create some resolve. Concerning todays topic I can say that it has been on the boil for a while, though I am not sure I will ever reach the point when I am not triggered, at least a little. But as I consider it to be of the “utmost importance”, here we go …

Well, the question of course is: Do you even know what that is? Your personal truth. There are at least three Ask Teal episodes on the topic and you could spend your lifetime reading up on what humans throughout the ages have thought about the topic of truth in general, but we want to stick to the one that is yours and yours only, even though you are certainly sharing it with others. You might have noticed that there are different people you share different truths with. Kind of. But this has us dangling along the sphere of “opinion” and that is not where we want to be going either.

Your personal, subjective truth is an amalgamation of your feelings about, emotional reactions to and thoughts on your life experience that all occur within the exchange between your core or purpose for coming into this world and the “reality” you are experiencing. On a higher level these two poles are synced. There is no contradiction or struggle. They are unfolding harmoniously. So, nothing to get triggered about, right? Hach, if only it was so … On ground level, this unfolding is experienced as a hell of a struggle. On ground level, you will think this is your fault, at least early on, because your unfolding is resisted with vigour and not just a little brutality. (please see T.S. “Gaslighting”)

There is not a person on this planet who has not been talked out of, ignored for or traumatised regarding their emotions and needs. But these are actually the two main sensually perceptible signals communicating your personal truth to you. They tell you whether you like something or not, whether you are happy or not, whether, indeed, you are in pain. If you had not been invalidated for all this systematically from the day you were born, you would, today, know exactly where you are, how and why you got there and where you are going. There would be no discrepancy between your life as it is and your life as you want it to be beyond your inner forces of evolution. You would be like a tree, perfectly attuned to the cycles of your life. Meaning the tree is not less conscious than you, it’s just not as fucked up! J But we all knew that all along, didn’t we …

Your personal truth tells you what to buy, eat, study. It can tell you whether you want to go to that party or not. The latter is a good example for why and how we make this out to be complicated. You might have different perspectives within yourself that either want to go or not. Dealing with this consciously, you would consider, try to understand and validate each perspective and come to a conclusion that is okay for all of them. Have you ever done that? Me neither. Normally we tend to be pulled back and forth for a while, until one side somehow wins over and makes a decision. This is often, very often, aided by other people, who might have an interest in you going to that party, or not. While this is perfectly okay, in theory, after all you want to have friends, it leaves you removed from your own truth, which is almost automatically vetoed by circumstances, whims (which are single aspects getting the upper hand for a moment) and signals from other people, who themselves are not really due north at the best of times …

Remember that feeling as a teenager of being kind of adrift on some ocean trying to figure out where the hell you are going, sometimes getting closer, sometimes getting stranded, happiness and desperation fluctuating for no apparent reason? Back then you were at least vaguely aware of what was going on. Being an adult in our society basically means drowning out all the noise that is not part of your life plan. It is a game of make belief, a scam. You achieve security by melting into the structures you once despised or aspired to. Makes not much difference. They do not allow for drifting. Nor do they allow for you deciding that you would rather chop off your head than go to work in the morning. It just isn’t happening. You’d have to get seriously desperate for anything to happen, wouldn’t you?

So, back to your personal truth, what was that again? I am sure you can tell me your favourite dessert or that desserts are your favourite. I am sure that you, unless you are severely damaged, can tell me so many things you like, stuff you don’t like … all stuff that constitutes who you are and what your truth is. You remember a time when you thought all that stuff was really important … like your favourite colour. Children define themselves through their favourite colour. They are really attached to that stuff, because it is how they know who they are. Of course, we do move on. Or should I say, we would move on. If there was space in our society to move on. If we could build anything on the little we have. Of our personal truth. Of what truly defines us.

Rudolf Steiner’s take on education has one goal. It is to teach children in a way that removes all obstacles to them evolving into their free will and power. He was working with a lot of restrictions on a societal and personal level one hundred years ago and, though we might have shifted in many respects, many of these restrictions are still in place. Some, indeed, have been replaced.

So, what can you actually do to find and uphold your personal truth? First of all, you can become aware that this truth is a creature of evolution. It changes and shifts all the time, as it is meant to change and shift all the time. Consequently, very much in contradiction to popular belief, this is a journey into uncertainty. Uncertainty is a precursor to being able to make a decision from the point of view of free will. If the path is fixed or certain, there is no choosing. The desire to have a straight path towards a single goal springs from fear and exhaustion. Neither of which would be there, if we were attuned to our personal truth. We are so frickin exhausted from lashing about in the dark, from moving away from our truth at the slightest provocation, from feeling like a cornered animal most of our days, unable to extract ourselves from the pinch we have navigated into, wasting all energy on the fight against ourselves, the universe, the angels. The fight against truth.

Don’t think anybody is exempt from this. On this planet. We are all one in this too.

Still too abstract? I will give you some examples of what you should avoid.

1.       Give up your truth for somebody else’s, this also includes groups, religions, books, political organisations etc.

2.      Bulldozing your truth, because of manners. If this seems like a minor point to you, please spend a day watching out for every time you bulldoze your truth out of being well mannered, a good/kind person, long suffering, more mature  … the list of possibilities is long.

3.      Make a list of believes that keep you away from your truth. Like the droll idea that a truly superior character is defined by stepping back for those who are weaker, less knowledgeable etc. Or that it is intrinsically wrong to feel, think or act very different from your surroundings.

4.      People who are, for whatever reason, incapable of accommodating your truth, consisting of your feelings, needs, preferences and thoughts.

5.      If doing something does not feel good to you, ask yourself why. Yes, I did not say: don’t do it. Because that might not be an option or not what this is trying to teach you. But you most certainly learn from your aversions. And if you come to the conclusion that this, whatever it is, really is not you and can, luckily, be avoided. Don’t do it. Exception: If you are energetically in a bad place, go straight to not doing it. And find something you want to do.

6.      If a person, accommodation, country continually does not feel good to you, ask yourself: what are the reasons for being where you are? Where possible, avoid settling down into situations for reasons that betray your own truth. If you have done so, ask yourself: what might I learn from this experience?

7.      Avoid, and this is really elaborating number 1., people who claim to know better, me included, unless the truth they are offering resonates on enough levels to be considered in sync with your personal truth. This is a most complicated and sensitive undertaking. An example: you might find some content or tools and feel like lightning has struck you with truth. This usually comes to pass when a suppressed aspect of your self/truth is, so to speak, reawakened by an activation within the content, which often is a truth you have disowned. This tends to provoke a pendulum swing within you: from ignoring this aspect or truth you go to making it the whole truth about you. This is a normal and healthy reaction, but does not always lead to healthy life choices. The worst that can happen, though, is giving yourself up to a system or structure, that you perceive to have a saviour role, this could be a religions, philosophy, guru, new life style, whatever. Consider that, though this certainly is a healthy development and very beneficial for you, it is not, per se, you. Most certainly not in a final sense of the word.

8.      Be wary, really, really wary, of any tool kit or system that tells you or sells you that you have to move along a certain prescribed path of salvation, in a certain order, with certain people, at certain dates. This is all preying on a primal human fear, which is called “missing out”. Though I am sure it does not feature in many lists of primal fears, you just have to watch children to get my drift. Most of the industries on the planet are built on this fear. And the fear of death. The entire point of your individual life path, as I have mentioned before, is that it is completely unique. Though you might greatly profit and hugely enjoy all sorts of profound rituals and initiations, any exclusiveness should cause a slight sickness in the stomach area. That is because you are being drained for energy.

More importantly, what should you seek? These are ways towards your truth:

1.       Follow your joy ……. Except, do not use this as a cop out to bulldoze yourself or parts of yourself. I think we all know at least one person, who is an expert at this …

2.      Allow for all your feelings to come up, give them space, validate them, give them understanding and do not try to change them before they do so of their own accord. I am aware that this might be asking much. But it’s were you want to be heading. To master this, is to end suppression.

3.      Generally find the chameleon in you, the mask wearer. In what ways are you imitating others and why? Some of this is really visceral, so be prepared to freak out. I will give you an example. I saw a video some while ago about masking behaviours in Asperger and the third point was “imitating the way other people speak, accent and all”. That totally did it for me. I do that, have always done that. It’s super unconscious, meaning I would not know how to stop it. I freaked a little but then realised what a great opportunity this was presenting to find out more about myself. Also note that even though I had been vaguely aware of doing this, I was not at all conscious of the “mask” aspect. This can get very shadowy. (And that is where we find our talents!)

4.      Do parts work. Remember that any of your personality aspects, and if you are reading this there will be hundreds, hold their own truth.

5.      Make lists of what is true for you. Change them. Burn them and make new lists.

6.      If you are really lost for clues, go into your childhood memories. What was true for you then? Did you feel your truth was threatened? By whom and why? How did you react?

7. Please be aware that a truth that has been suppressed for a long time can come with any amount of resistance from your inner or outer world. Some personal truths are buried under a real maze of believes and conditioning. Therefore feelings of fear, apprehension, fascination or the impression that something is pressing against you making that step might all be hints that you are onto something big … One reason of many to develop as much discernment as possible in respect to your emotions.

Finding a memory in which you gave up some of your truth always is a very emotional experience and ought to be honoured as such. There will be sadness and even grief. You have every right to feel them, because your most precious possession was ripped from you. Your individual being. The expression of your truth. To transcend that individuality, you must have first held it, the entirety of it, within your being. You must have followed your north star and given it up. Because you choose to. And this is the most important point to make here: No matter what anyone tells you: there is not and cannot ever be any value in giving up your truth. To give up your truth to Enlightenment, Ascension, a higher being, an economic system etc. is a contradiction within itself. That is not how it works, never has been and never will be. Here we are entering the realm of universal truths. “Know thyself and enter.” If you have given yourself up in bits and pieces along the way …. Well, you are not going anywhere before you have found them. In your own time.

Blessings to all the beautiful truths out there!

YéShéT’A !